A Somewhat Helpful Guide For Hard Boiled Eggs

The post in which Mariah makes like, a hundred eggs and laments over what she refers to as “the lost decade”: the ten years in which I did not consume eggs because I was afraid a baby chicken would be inside of one…..

I love eggs you guys. Especially hard boiled eggs. All my friends from college are probably laughing at me right now.

I used to detest eggs. I couldn’t think of anything more disgusting.

Well, we certainly have come a long way since then. I typically never go an entire day without eating eggs. I honestly think their convenience is the main thing that makes them delicious to me. Objectively, eggs are really only okay. But man, you can have one ready in under five minutes so that takes them from only okay to the best food available to mankind.

Hard boiled eggs definitely top the list of not only my favorite way to prepare eggs, but one of my favorite foods in general. I like having them in the fridge for those times that I could just burn the entire house down if I had to wait for water to boil before I can eat. No one has time for that.

I had this idea to make an… an egg gradient if you will… to demonstrate exactly where that sweet spot is for HBE. Of course, everyone is going to have a different preference. It will also depend on what exactly you are using them for. Sometimes a soft boil is perfect on avocado toast. Making deviled eggs? You want a ten minute egg for sure.

What is all this egg jargon? you may ask…

Well here we go with some answers.

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From left to right, we obviously have least done to most done. The far left is a soft boiled egg, which is a tumultuous thing to try and peel, dangerous and jello like, it makes you feel like you are performing heart surgery and need to be very careful to not break or tear anything. Of course, that never works. The delicious runny yolk comes at the price of having a more gelatinous white which makes the entire process of peeling and eating it… exciting. I really know how to sell this egg, don’t I?

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The next three are really the sweet spot for how I like my HBE. The one on the end is strictly for the purposed of deviled eggs. If you like to eat well done yolks on their own, we can probably never be friends. And for the love of glob, if you see a gray ring around the yolk play ping pong with it, donate it to the world bouncy ball foundation, but don’t eat it. You may as well chew on a bike tire.

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Okay, enough of that.

I suppose I’ll teach you how to make an edible egg for whichever preference you may have (for the sake of amiability, I won’t ask)

The first step is to let a pot of water come to a boil before you put the eggs in. Once boiling, use a slotted spoon to carefully place the eggs into the pot.

Let the eggs boil for one minute, then turn the burner off, cover the pot, and set a timer for anywhere between 6-11 minutes, depending on how you like them. Again, 6 is the yolky one at the end, each increasing it’s cook time by one minute all the way to the 11 minute well done egg on the right.

Use the slotted spoon to remove the eggs from the water, and place them in an ice bath for at least 5 minutes. This will stop them from cooking, which will also prevent that gray ring disaster. Once they have cooled, you can peel them.

What the secret here?

Depends on how well done the eggs are. With the soft boiled one, you pray to all your gods and throw some salt over your shoulder hoping for the best. With all the others, I typically will peel them in the sink under running water so the shell can wash away as it peels. This is the cleanest way to do it, I have found.

The technique of cooling them off before peeling them will also aid you greatly in the peeling process. It shouldn’t be as difficult as an infomercial might lead you to believe.

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Not all of them will be perfect. We all have to make our peace with things we don’t like. Eggs included. If I had a genie, you can guarantee one of my three wishes would be perfect, smooth, dent free eggs that never give me a hard time while peeling them. What a wonderful world it would be….

However, using this method, I find that my eggs come out pretty easy to peel almost all of the time.

What is your favorite way to have hard boiled eggs?

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